My Mystery
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: J.D. has to stop slacking on the job. Maybe helping with the new patient can help with getting on Dr. Cox's not-as-bad side. Meanwhile, Stephanie Brown needs to find out why she's in a hospital with hardly any memories of a mysterious accident. Rated T because this takes place in a hospital and I want to play it safe.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi, loyal readers. I'm going to go on a bit of a hiatus after I post this chapter. I'm currently suffering through "lack of story confidence-itis", which is why the Joker and Harley has been delayed, with neither hide nor hair of the second season, let alone the filler chapter. I'm working on it, just slowly. I've been stretching myself too thin with multiple series. Luckily, ****No Fourth Wall**** has ended and ****Gravity Falls: The Soap Opera**** only updates when I get a new idea. Enough with the explanations, here's my thoughts on this tale. I had the idea a while ago, but I didn't know how to write it. Today, new portions sprung up in my brain. Additionally, I checked and no one on has done this, surprisingly. There's a first time for everything, so let's get into it! Read and review, if you please! I don't own anything.**

Scrubs: My Mystery

Chapter One: "My Beginning"

**POV: J.D.**

_It was huge, with the face of a dying old man. Minute green streams of pus slowly trickled down the sides. The object seemed to pulse, like a disfigured heart or a slightly squashed spider. The face twitched and moaned. The beady eyes opened, revealing pupils clogged with crud. It sneezed and grinned evilly, rasping, "Well, kid? Ain't you gonna get rid of me? You'd better do it...OR DIE!" The eyes glowed red as the thing's mouth opened and-_

"Athena!" Dr. Cox grabbed the knife from my hand, snapping me out of my fantasy. Shoving me away, he bowed to Mrs. Thompson, who was staring at her wart with a grimace. "I'm so very sorry. This one is a little slow. I'll just remove the growth- Ah! There!" Deftly, he removed the wart with a quick swipe of the knife. Growling, he told a passing doctor to take care of the rest and dragged me into a supply closet.

"Dr. Cox, please don't call me names in front of the patients. It's J.D." I pleaded.

Dr. Cox took some deep breaths. It looked like he was miming strangulation, but I couldn't be sure. "Look, Jenna, you need to pay more attention to your work. This is the third lapse today. First it was that coma patient with a soiled bedpan, then the guy with a splinter, now Mrs. Thompson! What were you thinking about? Knitting? Those stupid appletinis?"

I tried to look as apologetic as possible. "Well, it was a pretty disgusting wart."

Dr. Cox was unimpressed. "'A pretty disgusting wart?' That's it? You're training to be a doctor. Get over it, Georgia! The little things are gross. Too bad! What are you going to do if you have someone with a bullet lodged in their stomach? A fungus or rash? Another porcupine spike lodged up some yahoo's-"

Fortunately, his pager sounded, giving me a chance to flee! As I slowly inched toward the door, he grabbed me and yanked me back. "No, you don't! Listen, kid, you get one more chance for the day. We've just gotten a new case and it's urgent. One more mistake and you're on dirty diaper duty for the rest of the week!"

He shoved open the door and dragged me outside. The Janitor, who was eating a sandwich nearby, smirked at me, flipping open the trashcan to reveal at least two pounds of dirty diapers. He winked and mouthed "There's more where that came from."

Great. Now I had to deal with an angry Cox and a hoarding Janitor. How long did he have those, anyway? Dr. Cox led me over to a bustling room. Turk stood by the door.

Dr. Cox rolled his eyes. "Great, the second half of the Idiot Twins." He turned to a technician. "Okay, Billy. What's going on?"

Billy nodded and finished turning on the brain monitor. "We don't know her name. She seems to be approximately twenty, one hundred and ten pounds, five feet and five inches, blond hair. She was found in some rubble with several bleeding wounds. More testing needs to be done, but she may have a concussion. Limited brain activity, so far. Strangely enough, she doesn't have any form of identification. I'm going to check with the person who found her for more information on that front." He exited the room.

Dr. Cox nodded. "Turk patched up some of the wounds?" Turk nodded, giving him a thumbs up. "Good job."

He wheeled around to me. "Okay. I need you to watch Ms. Doe and check for a skull fracture. If there is a skull fracture, page me immediately. If there's any sign of motion, page me immediately. If it looks like the injuries were worse than we thought, page me immediately." Dr. Cox and Turk left the room, leaving me alone with the patient.

As I checked the patient, I accidentally brushed her elbow. There was a large whooshing sound and things seemed to briefly travel in slow motion…

**POV: Stephanie Brown**

_I could smell chemicals, there was some kind of object...A bomb, maybe? I was holding it, but something was wrong. Things felt...odd. Slightly hazy, maybe. I looked down and saw a large puddle of blood on the ground. Who got hurt? With a start, I realized that it was me. Something bumped into me and the object went flying. The sky darkened or maybe I was just blacking out._

_I thought I heard someone, maybe Robin, calling my name. Wait a minute, why wasn't I wearing my costume?_

I slowly opened my eyes, but closed them almost instantly. I had a raging headache. There was some guy in hospital gear with goofy-looking hair staring at me. Where was I? I tried to open my mouth and ask him where I was, but it only came out as a garbled moan. He pulled out a pager and frantically began pressing the button. I stopped my next feeble attempt to talk. Why couldn't I remember anything that happened after the accident?

_To be continued…_

**Next Time: **Will J.D. do something to earn Dr. Cox's respect? Will Stephanie remember the whole accident? Will the Janitor shove his mysteriously-gotten bucket of dirty diapers in the maternity ward, causing more work? Find out when I next update this story.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: After a very long wait, the next chapter is here! Expect future installments to arrive in 2017. That's a joke, hopefully. But, seriously, I am incredibly sorry about it. I had the ideas, I knew what was going to happen, I just didn't know how to put them down properly. I don't own anything. Read and review, if you please!**

Scrubs: My Mystery

Chapter Two: "My

_POV: Stephanie Brown_

The weird guy kept pressing the button. He seemed to be hyperventilating. Finally, some other doctor came into the room. Great...If this was a fake hospital, then they were putting a lot of effort into the masquerade. The second doctor stared at me. "Hello, miss. I am Dr. Cox. You've had a serious accident. Do you remember anything from before you came here?"

Nuts. Okay, I have to throw them off the scent. Just play ditzy valley girl or something. I tried to look dreamy and confused. "No, but, like, I think that I have a slight headache. Do you have any ice packs?" Please, please let them leave. I need to get out.

Dr. Cox and the other person left the room. I could hear the faint sounds of arguing. Okay, think, Brown. How does one escape from a crowded hospital? There's a lot of people and I can't risk anyone seeing me. Wait...A body bag!

…

_POV: J.D._

Dr. Cox pulled me aside. "Okay, the patient's awake. Our reports show that she might have a concussion. Make sure that she stays put."

I saluted. "Yes sir, Captain Cox!" Dr. Cox glared at me. Happily, I decided to run to the cafeteria for a little snack.

_POV: Stephanie_

Slowly, I padded across the room. My head was spinning and I felt nauseous. _Just a few more steps, Steph. Heh, that sounded funny. Wait, am I talking to myself? Note to self: When I'm back, get Alfred to run a check-up on me._

Peeking outside, I saw nothing. Some people were talking in the break room, but they seemed to be engrossed in a soap opera. Carefully, I crept down the hallway, shivering. After I find the right room, I needed to pick up some actual clothes. Hospital gowns are flimsy.

_POV: J.D., five minutes later..._

_Mmm, granola. _I knocked 's door. Nothing. I knocked again. "Excuse me, I'm coming in." I opened the door. No one was there.

_I'm in hell. Dr. Cox has devil horns and he's poking me with a stick. "Ahahaha! See, Nina? I knew you couldn't do it! Hey, Janitor!"_

_The Janitor, dressed in a red tuxedo and cape drove up in an enormous bulldozer, loading with mountains of freshly-soiled diapers. "One diarrhea load to go!"_

I had to find Jane Doe.

_POV: Stephanie_

I crept into the morgue. Even more surprisingly, no one was there. First the main hallway, now the morgue! It seemed like hardly anybody was here. I don't know who made this fake hospital, but they did an incredibly bad job.

Suddenly, I heard a voice coming from the hallway. "Okay, Mr. Corpse, that was a fun examination. I won twenty dollars! I love betting against the night staff." What kind of idiots work here?

Quickly, I crawled into a body bag. I hated hiding in them, but I didn't have a choice. I listened for the coroner, trying to figure out what he was doing.

He entered the room. I heard a thump. It sounded like he dropped a different body. "It looks like someone left a new body down here. Okay, little guy, let's just unzip you and see the patient!"

I jumped out, scaring the coroner. He ran into a corner and cowered. "NOT AGAIN! Don't kill me, zombie!"

Getting closer to the parking lot, I saw a janitor. He was sitting by the door, texting, Great, I really don't feel like hurting someone. I got lucky with the coroner. Rubbing my aching head, I tried to look innocent and confused. "Hello!"

The janitor didn't even bother to look up. "Yeah, he does that all the time. Just go." That was surprisingly easy. Now onto getting back to Gotham.

_POV: J.D._

I ran into the break room, panting. "TURK, TURK!" He wasn't there. I ran to the nurse's desk. "Carla, do you know where Turk is? I have an emergency. He needs to get a blond wig and some face paint!"

Carla set down her magazine. "He's at a meeting, Bambi. Most of the staff is there. Didn't you get his phone message? He could only be here for a quarter of the day."

I coughed slightly. "Actually, I don't have my phone. Someone took it and I don't know who."

…

The Janitor sat in the parking lot, giggling. "Yes, one hundred pizzas to Dr. Kelso. Pineapple! Every single one." He laughed and threw the phone in a nearby garbage can. "That'll teach him to cut the janitorial budget."

…

Carla picked up her magazine again. "Elliot's her, you could ask her."

I gave Carla a thumb's up and ran back to the break room. "ELLIOT! ELLIOT!" She sat on the sofa, watching a game show. I sat down, holding up a can of face paint. "Hey, Elliot, could you help me?"

She turned off the television. "Do you always have that with you?"

I pointed to the refrigerator. "I store them in the fridge just in case we need them for a presentation for the children's ward. Anyway, you're still blond, right?" 

Elliot pointed to her still clearly blond hair and made a "Duh" face.

I took that as a good sign. "So, we had a Jane Doe, and she's missing. She has blond hair, you have blond hair, could you dress up as her for, oh, two weeks? You just need to pretend to have a concussion and let me paint some red scars on your face."

Elliot shook her head. "I'm not getting involved with this. Dr. Cox told me that if I mess up one more time, I'm working with the sanitation crew on dirty diaper duty."

"Wait...He told me the same thing, only I would be working with the Janitor!"

Elliot shrugged. "Probably some new business plan by Dr. Kelso. I heard that he cut the janitorial budget, so he probably wants to get extra work done without hiring any new people."

I started dancing around. "I'm free! I'm free! Dr. Cox isn't going to make me clean up dirty diapers...Why are you staring at me like that?"

Elliot pointed to the door. Dr. Cox was standing there, furious. "I could hear you all the way across the hospital, Elsa.".

I gave a weak smile. "Hi, Dr. Cox. How much did you hear?"

His evil smile sent a chill down my spine. "Dr. Kelso told me to tell everyone that as a motivation tool, Newbie, but, he did tell me to actually force someone to do if if they messed up. You have messed up, _big time_."

_POV: Stephanie_

I winced as Alfred wrapped a bandage around my ribs. "Ah, thanks, Alfred."

He nodded. "You are welcome, Miss Brown. However, it would have been more beneficial if you had stayed in the hospital. Master Dick and Master Bruce were driving to the hospital. You are quite lucky that they found you and reimbursed the police for those stolen clothes. You're still in trouble, by the way."

I pushed the ice pack closer to the bruise on my forehead. "As long as the memories come back, I'm fine with it. You probably know what happened, right? Explosions, I wasn't in my costume, blood, bombs?"

Alfred tried to suppress a snicker. "Excuse me, I shouldn't be laughing. Tim was playing a war-themed video game while you were bouncing on a trampoline. You fell off and bruised your head. Unfortunately, you also knocked over a canister of fear gas that Bruce was examining. You escaped from the Batcave, stole Dick's motorcycle, and ran away."

"...Oops."

_POV: J.D._

"It's been five hours, Janitor. Am I done for the day?" I moaned and lifted up another heavy bag of putrid waste.

The Janitor held up a stopwatch. "Dr. Cox strictly informed me that you had to do this for two weeks. It hasn't been two weeks."

"Not all at once! The night staff arrived five hours ago!" I cringed as another baby started crying, a large stain on the diaper. Looking around, I noticed that we were out of clean diapers. "Uh, Janitor…"

The Janitor grinned. "Looks like we're on a road trip!"

**Two incredibly long hours of driving later…**

I sat in the backseat, shivering. The car was filled with taxidermied squirrels and weird containers. "You find any diaper stores? I'm not very uncomfortable."

The Janitor cackled. "There's no earthly way of knowing, which direction we are going, there's no knowing where we're rowing, or which way the river's flowing!"

Oh, dear.

**THE END**


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